I’ve discovered these past few weeks, as I have listened to all the people tell stories, voice frustrations, and share past pains, that I am tired.  I am tired of listening to feelings, and  I am tired of not being able to share my own.

So, my apologies dear reader, because today’s blog?  Its a total vent.  I was driving this afternoon and could literally feel the knots in my neck tightening.  I am angry about being called to a place where I did not know the story.  I am angry about feeling like I had to leave a place where I felt loved and effective to come to a place where more often than not, I feel like I am ineffective and have no idea of where to go or what to do next.  I am angry that I took a call I didn’t do more research on.  So many things.

And the dumb thing is, being angry won’t change a dang thing.  It won’t change where I am called.  It won’t change my circumstances.  It just drains me more.  So why be angry?  What is it about anyway?

Lent is looming and I am overwhelmed.  My house isn’t unpacked and I am overwhelmed.  My office isn’t unpacked and I am overwhelmed.  And yet here I sit, unable to function on any of it because I am so angry with it all.

If I could voice things?

• I need to know that there is someone here who has my back, no matter what.
•  I need some time to acclimate, to process through the pain of entering blindly into chaos, and to find some hope in the midst of it all.
•  I need more storage or less stuff.  At work, at home, everywhere.
•  I need to hear that folks are glad that I am here.  That I am making a difference for them.
• I need to improve my self talk and maybe gain some skills on how to do that.
•  I need some training and support from the synod level on how to handle this broken of a system.

None of those things that I need it that huge.  But to ask for them sounds impossible.  So I am just throwing it out into the blogosphere.

What do you do when you are in a new place and overwhelmed by all the things?  What do you do when your lack of voice in a system leads to some pretty intense anger?

Off to pray.  And then get back to work.  Peace in the journey readers.

 

 

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